Norman and Lea at the Cinevegas Film Fest in 2009
My husband looks a lot like Jack Nicholson. I am starting this blog because I feel this whole experience is a study in human behavior, a social study of sorts. I am going to write about my experiences being married to a “quasi-celebrity,” reflecting on the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. To catch up, I may write about a few past experiences that stand out amongst the rest.
Why does any of this matter? Well, it doesn’t really, but I have found that some people find the celebrity world somewhat fascinating, and my experiences come from a slightly different vantage point.
Time Square after HBO Documentary Film Premiere Party
After the “Make Me Young: Youth Knows No Pain” HBO Documentary film premiere screening and after party, we decided to go downtown and check out Times Square. We had some of the cast members with us, who were mostly black-dress-wearing blondes. Things were going quite well and Norman was getting his photo taken by people as we walked along. The next thing we know, Norman is approached by a small team of policemen. I thought, “What did he do now?” and was concerned he had committed some kind of unique crime that only New Yorkers would know is illegal. Perhaps he wasn’t supposed to go up the red stairs without a paid ticket, or perhaps he isn’t supposed to have a cigarette, even if unlit, in a public place. Nope. It wasn’t any of those things.
Norman was in violation of a little known city code regarding the public engagement of a large crowd. The policemen did a hand gesture behind us. We
Norman in Life Magazine After HBO Documentary Film Premiere
turned around and saw that there was a healthy crowd of people following just behind us. Fans of all shapes and sizes, backgrounds, and ages. We said, “Can’t you just break the group up? It’s not our fault.” “No, you must leave this site immediately.” Okey dokey! Now we can say we have officially been kicked out of Times Square.
You are a quasi-celebrity sitting in a cafeteria-style lunchroom with hundreds of pre-teens. This group, in general, behaves without any form of self control, precisely the way all humans would if they could. For this reason, “tweens” are probably the best study group on human behavior. The tweens spot you and word spreads like an audience wave at a baseball game. The tweens now engage in an unusual, yet telling human behavior, directed at you and your family. Their behavior implies the following:
1) You are completely deaf:
They talk aloud about the you within a 10-foot range. Are they assuming you are sitting inside your fan-suppressing housing unit with your sound shield fully engaged?
2) You are completely blind:
They stare, photograph, videotape, giggle, whisper, and then plot to waylay you in a Lord-of-the-flies-style takeover. They do this with the sincere belief that neither you nor your family can discern their stealthy operations.
3) You are now their personal property:
Once their takeover operation is complete, they follow their captive around like bees protecting their queen. They are fully responsible for your safety and will defend you against all unknowing fans.
Fully-grown tweens carry on similar behavior but much more surreptitiously. They have developed their operations over years of real-world training, and now have the discipline and craft refined to a level only discernable by a few of the best and brightest quasi-celeb spouses out there.